Can Purell be used as lube?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
