if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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