By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
