I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
