My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
