Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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