if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
