Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the condom got lost in my hair
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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