My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
