two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry about my life...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
