Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
