I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
