i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
