Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
