you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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