I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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