just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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