Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
