i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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