the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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