well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
