So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
