That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
