I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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