is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
there's paper in my vomit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
