I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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