it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize