Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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