There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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