im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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