does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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