The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
