You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
