Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think my moral compass just broke
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
