based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
