I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
