you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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