They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
