Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
