FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize