just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
