I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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