why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize