My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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