I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
