I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
