worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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