I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
