You work out of a Hotel?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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