I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
