i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
