I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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