Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
