Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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