I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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