Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
