your thong is hanging out like whoa
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize