I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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