so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
