Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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