Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
