Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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