Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
