we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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