dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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