Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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