I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
