I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
